Good evening ramblers. I am going to be honest now, tonight I am just blogging about what ever pops in to my head. Not due to lack of conversation or hellos, but genuinely I don't know what's happening in my head right now, which is exactly how I started blogging just back in January. Actually that is always a good talking point.
Right, lets face it, I am a person with trust issues, i don't spell it out for people, they should be able to deduce things more often, and most of the time they do. Doctors in particular, I don't trust them but I will go to them if I am dying, which i currently am... woo. So, now that we know I have trust issues (so the implicit "break my trust once, I wont trust you that easy again" and so on is in fact true) we can ask the question. Why the hell am I so prepared to open myself up publicly to the internet basically detailing my every day life or what the hell is actually going on in my head.
Well maybe its the "faceless theory". You know, when you talk to someone without a face it becomes easier to trust them because they simply aren't there. I had that some time ago with an old friend. We trusted each other so much and detailed our most inner most secrets and trusted they wouldn't be spoken to anyone else. So that is a curious thing.
I think my better reasoning comes down to faith and a hat. trying to impress that girl and be amazing all the time. I self diagnose myself with "The doctor syndrome", which is something i made up to basically attribute to people who act or amazing and fast going and basically, like the doctor, come in and sweep you off your feet not leaving a hole but a new and fantastic way of life. I basically want that to happen to me, but from my perspective I try to do that to kind of fill in half of that void.
yeah my second reasoning for blogging seems far more likely now...
So what has spawned off of blogging. Well every month I have a quota of blog posts to do. If you look at the side bar on the right you can probably guess what the pattern is if you haven't already, which for the two readers I do get every time I post, probably already know, SPOILER, the posts increase by 1 every month and then I don't know what happens in January next year. Maybe I just do one post that month, or maybe I start descending. yeah, making enough posts in a month isnt actually that hard, what is hard on the other hand is limiting myself to X amount of posts. so if I only have 1 post to do. then I guess that is gonna be a pretty tough month because, I will only have one post.
University is become a source of tediousness now, I have ideas where i want to go, but I am not really keeping up with actually getting it all done. Not particularly working out for me here.
Now here is the subject that is probably the most interesting, my personal/love life. Well i have no love life. but I am craving hour long huggs more. But I would rather be in the comfortable position of not in public and preferable not in your boobs but being hugged by you. turns out I am woman really and I like being hugged from behind. I want there to be someone I am chasing after, because I realised, we tend to be in longer relations with those we chase after for ages. Those quick 5 minute relations don't work. So there are quite a few out there I doubt will last longer than a week. Oh well their problem.
Maybe some form of sex wills et me straight again. All I know is, one night stands, though I don't like them, it feels like a necessary evil to keep me in place... Oh well.
I must be off now, later Ramblers, why not ramble about your state of mind as well, perhaps it will open something up?
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