Just Ask.

okay. I have not been rambling here for a while. I've never made sense. But I don't care if I make sense or not. Sitting still and not asking only means you will not understand and remain a fool forever. Asking question is the only way to understand. So when someone says "I don't understand". It annoys me. Not because they don't understand. I accept I may phrase things differently. No it not that. It is because people don't ask about the bit they don't understand. If a statement has been thrown your way. Why sit around waiting for the resolution, ask the question. Get to the core of the subject and understand why.
Because it so noticeable how many people will just sit and accept what is said. And then no one asks why. Commonly I hear people ask me, "why I asked that?" I ignore it. Because if I hadn't asked the vital information would be missed. Simple. I asked because I don't want things to just be so. I lived 13/14 years of my life and I didn't ask myself why things were. They just happened. Then something hit me. I was bored. I was lonely. I was stupid.
I asked my questions and then I understood why things happened. Importantly. things stopped happening when I knew what it was I wanted from all this in the end.
And I wanted friends. Strong friends, Ones where I wouldn't need to be strong all the time and actually fall over once in my life without falling straight on to hard stabby rocks.
I don't blame anyone. People just suck. But all the fucking time, I look around, I don't want to trust anyone, I don't want to be near anyone. And most of all I don't want to be the one to ask, "what's going on?". Because I know the fucking answer is "nothing". I know nothing is going on! I don't care about that. Shut up and tell me what it is upsetting you or go on and write in some form of diary so it doesn't affect anyone else.
I am tired of all. I am tired of the people I want to trust most and receiving angry looks and possibly the worst signs of friendship. I'm angry because the rest of the world is just as shit as me at looking after themselves. Why should I care so much if that same care isn't returned. as ever. I try to be someone I am not, and I end up in a shit pool because I rely on others.
But oh how self pretentious is that? Talking about me being in a crappy place. Well right do i have to complain? Well, I guess I could start somewhere, since people are so shit at asking the right questions, I am not going to even bother with asking them to the people who want them asked. It is sickiening to see that even after so many years, people annoy me so much I actually skip on sleep just to ramble about it. Im done....