RAMBLERS! I NEED TO RAMBLE!
It's the last post of the month and i want to get back in the habit of writing in excruciating detail whilst saying almost nothing at all, or what is better known as a ramble.
Throughout this month I have been padding out content to keep up with the quota so it usually resolves in just updates. BUT. THIS IS BORING! So the fix is to write out different on subjects I want to talk about.
Now, there are loads of videos out there. About procrastination. Charlieissocoollike do a so cool like video on it. And simply, I procrastinate lots. I don't know how to stop it. And I will make the promise this is what I will vlog about next. because i have a lot to say about it!
SO, to ramble correctly, I should talk about something I feel strongly about. As i now vlog as well, i have to choose subjects that I feel are personal and strong, then decide whether or not they would be more pleasing if I spoke out loud, or more interesting if i write it down.
But that is the thing, i am trying to please a non-existent audience. I have my 7 followers and like. 1,2 readers per post. And youtube. well that's going nowhere if I stay like this. But the thing is, i find this fun.
I find trying to pander to people to make them smile, and want to watch me, on centre stage. Because, quite frankly, all my life, I have been centre stage, but all the wrong way round. I just wanted to have a friend, and we could be friends for ever and all that. But due to the cunty way primary school was, I now have an incredible distrust in people for friends, and a distaste for anything normal. IT ALL SUCKS! Being bullied is not a nice thing, but to think it can change someone life to the degree that to have people like you because they are laughing with you rather than at you.
That is a rather stale and tired analogy. But the thing is, we all do the same things, say. etc. etc.
And the term "I'm crazy" is thrown about these days like it means, "I can make a word up on the spot and pretend it was spontaneous". No, that isn't even random. what that is. Is annoying.
I can tell you what crazy is. Crazy is that guy who doesn't say unrelated things. he is the guy that will forever go on, to be funny, get his point across and do such mind blowing disguising things whilst being much cleanlier than everyone else.
I am not that bat shit crazy. I just lost the plot somewhere and I am now a bit spontaneous with a lack of humility (who needs that).
But back to that point. Bully creates these crazy people, just as much as a broken brain.
I remember one time, I was literally circled by all the guy in the year above me in primary school, and I got in trouble for being in a fight... I DIDN'T CHOOSE TO BE THERE!
It was moments like those that made me realise that I should be careful with who I hang out with. I shouldn't be with people if they make me angry, sad. Or just have a lack awareness themselves.
I hit high school and I basically started my drive for find the best of friends. unfortunately this lead to me having a different friends group each year (if i was lucky) So i know lots of people, and i know the ones who don't annoy me. But I have always felt this was wrong. That people shouldn't need to find real friends.
Unfortunately, understanding is a thing that is not taught by word, but is learned through action.
Which basically concludes in, I pander to different groups of people, because the people I meet turn out to be crap because they don't feel the same way about this one aspect of life.
so here is a thought to take away from this. If you asked your friend the question "would you be there for me when .... "
If the answer comes naturally to them. Ask them, "for how long?"
Because, I know if i had asked that, i wouldn't have been in a crappy place at some points in my life.
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