On January 14th 2012. A 16 year old Suffolk lad posted on the internet. 3 morales. And that he would going to be using the internet as a way of documenting on what was going on in his head. By April of 2012. This was accomplished. He had worked out what he needed to and begun a different task. Continuing the blog not for himself, but for others to gain an insight of what happens in that head of his.
Now, if you will excuse that pitifully. PRETENTIOUS. ASININE. SHARK JUMPING BULLSHIT. beginning. Then all will be good.
Now this being my last post of 2012. I say. LOOK AT THIS SIDE! where all the post numbers are = complete. I am going to review my 2012. Not the people I met in it. But more the whole blog, and everything in it. So I am going to talk about the people who have made an impact in my year, all of them, and then I am going to label top 5 of what ever. See, i don't pad out with filler. I give my filler. AFTER the important stuff. How kind I am to my reader.
Now before I talk about individuals, I do want to point a couple of things out. First, if you are not included in this, it's not that I don't care. I just probably haven't thought of you at the time of writing. (cover that base first)
Secondly, from the get go, I believe all of you idiots, because I know I am one, but I never let that change a single thing, its what you said and did that changed my opinions. I firmly believe that the human race whilst amazing, is a gigantic idiot and probably will continue to be until ultimate peace is reached and we are nothing but progressive and kind to each other.
So it is fair to say, that none of you surprised me really, and if I call you an idiot, there is literally no hard feelings.
Thirdly, when I say something here, it is only here as something that came away as learning lesson, so really, i don't mean to hurt or offend anyone here. Even when I am just proving something, everyone mentioned on here means so much to me, they just stand as a testament as to why I could not be a superhero like Batman or even Robin!
fourthly. if you have ever had a conversation like this with me. YOU HAVE ANNOYED ME!
Sam say: xxxxx xxx xxxx
you say: hahah yeah
Sam Say: xxxxxxxxx xxx xxx xxx
you say: okay
Sam Say:xx xxx xxxxx xx?
You say. yes.
LEARN TO CONVERSATION, LEARN TO SPEAK YOUR MIND!!! I know you all can, and will when given the opportunity, so do it. ALWAYS!
lastly. Katherine Read all of this. I don't feel I need label anyone else with this, I want them to read through just as much. But you m'dear! Behave yourself! :P
So although my blog started january 14 2012. The story begins. September 5th 2011. It was this day I started sixth form. Begun as a normal person? on the outside of many groups. Just looking for a place to be. Or more correctly. I wanted 2 friends. Actual friends. And you now what. I didn't care who. They just had to like me for me. But at this point I was only looking for someone who cared for people as much as i did. so a week passes. and Im eating one day and I meet a blonde hair someone.
This is the first person to make a difference.
So this is where I begin.
Sorry for the crap intro. But Charlotte. oh god... why did I have to start by meeting you. it is obviously all the new people I have met that have made a difference, otherwise i would just come out and say it. But a years friendship to me is nothing. a lifetime friendship is a strong bond. It is an ideal that I will hold on to forever. And this is curiously what i have you to say thank you for. But Charlotte. summarising what you have started in a paragraph in no way represents what it unleashed. But I will blame you. For me becoming who I am now, who i wanted to be. Because you are insane. No dodging you have no idea what a plot is. but hell you can write a good story. I blame you for my girlfriend. I blame you for being a glue in a situation that you would rather ignore. And I impressed by how much you grew ina year. if you blogged, then you would have incredible insights and I will miss hearing them. But to 2012. You wrote me a script. And we are going to film it. And 2012, proved that faith in friends is only better, when you can rely on them. And I can defiantly rely on you. Always.
Moving on to the next part of those who made an impact. Katherine. Miriam. George. I met them all in roughly the same time frame. But Katherine. I am not talking about you yet. You need to see what happens next.
George. You are an idiot. A stupid moron. And you annoy the hell out of me. But not because you are stupid. if anyone ever got the idea I was annoyed y because of that sole reason. Then they either don't know me very well or they didn't listen. But the reason I call attention to you and that. Is because you made me realise something. I simply can't abide people who don't believe in themselves. You are an idiot. and I liked that. but then you said something which REALLY annoyed me and then made me realise that I shouldn't like you. You said. "I am an idiot", and then went on to say "I am dyslexic", "I am colour-blind", "I just suck". And so much more like that. Now then. on the odd occasion. where someone is struggling against something, then fine. But. the thing is. You used these. as an excuse. As a reason, NOT to do anything. Not to learn. not to bother changing them. When I KNEW you were capable of so much more, and you proved to me countless time you were capable of more. You annoyed me because you were lazy and unwilling to do something which could have changed your life if you bothered. So. why does that change or impact me? why is it significant? Why do I find these horrible comments to be kinder than they are horrible. Well here's the thing. Had you not said this. I wouldn't have realised at all that this was happening, that I need to work harder at my own life. I needed to do something to not become that. And more importantly, to finally grow a little more out of that child like state.
So not for one second will I ever disregard you as my friend, but you made a difference. Which is worth more than i act for. So if anyone, Takes ANYTHING from this paragraph. I don't hate you. The things is. I never have. I am grateful to you, for doing so much for us. You treated us so much despite us being crap to you. I disliked how you took the easy way out. But I never stopped Believing in you. I believe you are capable and will do wondrous things. but you annoy me.
Which actually brings me to Miriam. A hippie like girl, who by all means, has been a true friend to me. But also proved a lot more. several a time, I have mentioned how much you mean to me. but not the other things. You certainly changed my 2012. You really have questioned my faith in things, and sometimes I didn't give an answer. Which brought me to not change my beliefs, but to actually find my reason to justify things. You changed me as a person. I never mentioned that before. But the things I haven't mentioned don't end. They never will really. But this is poignant. You hurt me. You have actually hurt me. Now, very few can actually do that. Actually hurt me. Anyone can break me. But that heals. Girls have broken my heart and guys have left me standing. But no friend has actually hurt me before.
You wanna know how? well the fact you will never read this hurts me. The fact you will just cancel on me at a moments notice, you wont tell me what your plan is. You wont even consider just hanging out with me, rather than us doing a studio day or something. I dont need an excuse to be around you! It hurts you see me otherwise. It hurts me that you make days with other friends and attend them every time. It hurts me, to see that i have to beg for weeks before you say "sure" and then weeks more before we actually do see each other.
Any normal person would see it as that you didn't like me. That you wouldn't actually want to be around me weren't for some situation. Yet, the way you act when I am around is so different. You made me realise I need to stop being the person who does things. And just enjoy it when it comes. So I stopped. I stopped saying hello. I stopped organising days out with friends unless they invited me. Because you just wouldn't. As far as friends go, you are amazing when you are around, even through the YouKatherine scenario. I worried about both of you. You constantly worried you were being a bad friend, and even now, you say things and then go. NO! I mean... None of that matters. because true friends will believe in a singular similarity and disagree elsewhere. So the sex stuff doesn't hurt to hear about. But neither does it constitute an entire conversation. I find it difficult to talk to you now. because I don't want to shout all this out. This whole year. You been there though. and been a friend. And cared for me when I needed it. You hurt me. And you care for me. If i ever told you all of this directly, i would be doing it behind tears, as I am now as I write this. I don't want to believe for a second that any of that happened during 2012. But the thing is. My memory box. Is filled with so much stuff. and your involved all the way. You hurt me because when we are together, the memories we create are amazing and last with me for ever. But you are my friend. Best of. I remember the studies. I remember the days out. I just wished we had more days out. Because in those times, I didn't want different friends. I was loud and funny. But not the centre of attention, instead part of a whole of attention. So never. think. that just because you can hurt me so easy, that it is because you are someone i consider to be away from. I get hurt by because you and someone else give me an acceptance that I never had. And I bet no one else on earth actually understands. So there you have it. You hrut me because we are closer than I like any friend to be, You are by all meanings. My best friend.
Katherine. I hope you read all of that. Because, that was the other half while you were gone. all year round. And words doesn't actually make it clear what all that means, But this is not your impact on my 2012. But without you. Katherine. Miriam wouldn't even be my friend. I'll explain later.
Notice how I include the end on 2011, well I count that because year 12.
Next is Jenni McCallum. who i met with Ben I believe. But Jenni First. I am just going to say. You are one of those people who annoy with conversations. Because although you have so much to say. you never say it. The only opportunities we had to speak. was online. Which is why after meeting you. The internet proved I hadn't grown much. But I was able to say Love easier after you. I think i have kept my promise. but you need to speak back to me. Because I wont say hello any more. Though if you just say hello, I will come in full force. Happily, i will talk to you, because. Like Charlotte. You have no idea what a plot is. if you and sanity were in a room together, then I am afraid the room might turn into a butterfly. I found, when you spoke sentences, i caught on to how to have fun with my own words. May not be clear. because I am sure if I look back on our conversations, they follow the style mentioned earlier. But I am talking about Portal. and things like that. Like when I visited in January. It was curiously fun.. What that means is. While I was learning who i was. I was learning how to be perceptive in the way I like. I liked talking to you. I learned I worked best whilst being distracted. Crazy. I know. But it worked. It seemed being home was worth it. I am sorry that things happen. But as far as things go. Nothing matters to me. Except today. If you read my blog still. Then hello. how are you? Its about time I did some work and I need some help? :P
Ben. Ben Green. It is unfortunate you are a guy. because there is a pattern between me and guys. i call them bigger idiots. Sad thing is. I like, you are an annoyingly good friend when you really really try. And then can let small things change a good situation. Or at least. Thats what I want to say. What i need to say to you though is. You proved me right. the patient do get what they want. And most of all. It is important to be sad. And important to cry. Sound crap. and I probably don't give you enough praise for it. But since that party in october 2011. You trusted me with things you didn't tell others. I am sad we couldn't of been closer/better friends. maybe we still can. But from then to pride. You have done nothing but to shame me. By being the better. My friend. you proved even the most hardy are able to cry. An ability which i can not do properly. Thank you for being normal. And showing me that. As i said. My last post of 2012 is about people who made a difference to me. And that's what you did. You made a difference.
So Katherine. You know how I met those two right? the same way I meet our next person who makes a difference. Although I admit now. It's not pleasant, not matter how I phrase, but I don't resent it. I love it. Because it influences me to this day.
Jenny Venis. Let's get this straight. Yes you broke me a lil bit. No lying. but I don't care. I needed that. That's the thing about humans. we get to far in the wrong end and we forget ourselves. An important thing in life is to remember your priorities Your faith. etc .etc. I do have someone at home who does that for me. But you were able to give me something. I don't know what is exactly. because words can leave me when I think back to January. But, the whole thing. It was special by all means. Unforgettable. But I think pride summarises it properly. You hugged me. And then we enjoyed the day. Its not like forgiveness or anything. NEEDS to exist. I think thats how to put. You showed that I don't need to forgived or forgiving. Because, why should anyone even need that? It's a concept to heal the guilty. So I learned that. I forget why I did wrong or anything. But I don't need forgiveness. If that's not a silly thing to say. Because. When we can still be close friends, that it is okay to hugg. then Why should we forgive. To me, everything becomes a silly concept when you can simply have fun. SO you are fun. and informative.
It is surprising isn't it? That the people who mostly change my world. Have been around you for much longer. But that's the thing about subtly isn't it?
Although it changes in our head. Does that change us in the real world. So our next friend. Is Rory
I don't know what happened you and katherine, Rory. Neither do I care. I never will. I also don't care if it is your fault or hers. Because the funny thing about friends is that forgive each other. make up. And come back even stronger. because of something. They Change. not just on the inside. but provable to the other. Change. Happens so fast to some people, they don't realise the change. Their opinions may be strong. but suddenly get stronger in a direction they never thought. It is why Free speech works so well. Because without strong opinions, that are well thought and justified. Progress is not made. But equally. opinions will destroy people.
Rory. After meeting you, and reading your blog. You enter my definite idiot box. BUT! I remain by what I call you. You are a genius by all meanings of the word. One day maybe, I will tell you what an idiot truly is. I know I am one. But there is something about meeting text before a face. You could be anyone. cooler or more perceptive than you should ever be. The internet made me smarter. Because, when you think about it. How do I know someone. Who's thought track was so similar to my own. Yet was still better than me. How do I know someone that doesn't even understand my normal words, let alone what my actual thoughts are. The simple answer is. I've seen it and done it all before. Sad to think that between year 9 and 12 I lived the same life at least 3 times. In different forms of myself that is. Im certainly less angsty and just plain angry now. But Rory, you interested me. And you still do. But I know this. I have worked you out. It wasn't hard. But you are hard. You are an impact on my life because you speak. An example more should take. You actually use your one voice. You noticed things. I don't give anyone enough credit and I don't speak everything, and most things repeat. But you all need reminding. if you are here. You are insane. and you are special. Rory. Take the opportunity when it comes. but don't force it. The wheels are in motion and friends become strong when you say something stupid but meaningful. Progress is made then. See you soon Ser Rory.
It's becoming painfully obvious now Katherine that I am holding you until last. and I am not even close to you yet. Because so many people have made a difference. I NEED you to meet my friends.
This year, i met more people from framlingham. we are skipping ahead in the timeline. But my thoughts on them are the same from when I met them.
Most of them are boring. And straight forward. But I am so happy Charlotte brought me to them. Because I found Rachael, You know that girl I call my girlfriend. She is adorable. But does anyone wanna know why I chose her in the end? Well I will tell you Katherine anyway. because she was interesting. Right from the get go. at that Gala where i met her, there were loads of silent people. Nobody was rubbing up against anyone. Which is usually what swings it for people. Rach was one of the silent people. But she interested me. That thing I do happened. I looked at her and. basically saw something not understandable. And i do now. And I love her. completely. I wouldn't be surprised if this accidently lasts forever. I don't think I need to explain much more. And Why she changes my 2012. but 4 months... yay.
I hope your still reading Katherine. because Michael. He proved my decision about Maths correct. And even in the brief moments where I have met him. he is so good. Please don't ever defile him! You two are just right the way you are. I can't help but be happy when I think of you two. and yet jealous. I have that. and I have had it for a while. but the sin to be jealous will always be a failure of mine. because I believe so much that I can have more. I know I have it. Michael makes me sick. With happy. I can't wait to see the wedding!
And Katherine. finally you. I met all of these people through you actually. or more correctly. I am a friend with them because of you. I got drunk for the first time. Because of you. I went out of suffolk alone for the first time. because of you. I bet. Anything I do now. I can relate it back to you somehow! All because you sat down. Looking out of place. in the sixth form common room. all ginger and nervous.
Katherine. you are my best friend. Better than Alana. Which is a difficult thought. But Alana is a child hood friend. so she is a different story entirely. I don't like favourites. But I know when something is worth fighting for.
Put like this. I met all of those people. and in this case, they are all extensions of you.
They annoy me.
They Hurt me.
They Break me.
They have fun with me.
They interest me.
They make sick.
I rely on all of them.
If your closest thing. Then think what you have done to me since september 2011.
You have done all of that and more.
You annoy me when you have those moments where you let yourself destroy you. I don't want to know you when you let something control you so much. It annoys me I want to literally destroy the sea of KS3 students around us. Because the rest of the time. You ARE so controlled. So much like a tower. Defended by world class armies. When you try. You have no one take you down. Which doesn't scare me one bit. If you snap at me for saying something stupid or opinionated WHICH YOU HAVE!! I didn't get hurt in these moments. I want to laugh! Out loud! For someone finally speaking their mind! YOU have any idea how annoying people are when they close up and don't speak their mind!! I will be opinionated on purpose and they agree with me!! That annoys me so much. And yet you will be so strong. In what you believe, You have a Strong Faith. So you most of annoy me when you let something tiny destroy you.
Which is also why you hurt me. I said Miriam can hurt me by not bothering to show up. I am fine with being stood up. But I am heart broken when I receive "sorry I don't feel up to...". I am gracious you tell me. But when you don't turn up to an event. I am literally heart broken. Because, you let things hurt you, because you don't want to be somewhere. I want to cry. But I can't. Miriam may get a really long descriptive feeling of that. I don't need patronise you with that. Because you already know don't you? You know you have the ability to crush me within seconds?
I trust you with that. That you literally wont break me. And you will already know if you have.
Here's the thing. When we have spoken online. When we are together in person. I don't want to be sad. I am there to make you laugh. to have fun. To be interested in that lil ginger girl being crushed by the fat people who are obviously bitches. You see. none of that matters, because in the times when we do bother. I don't need to worry or anything. So when was the last it was just me and you? Because I remember it being one of the best time of my life. Same with you? Well maybe not. But Katherine. it doesn't matter how i put it. You alone, can hurt me most. And you have in 2012.
in 2012, I went from madly loving you as a friend, to be so close to you, I am literally scared of you! I don't want to ask you outside again, because I am afraid you will say no or stand me up. So there you have it. In January you forced me to create this blog to open up and understand myself more. I understand me just fine now. I don't know if you do.
But no friend really should have this power over someone else. And really should never be able to introduce the equivalent of a family or influence me to the point of making myself a life so much.
No one should have that much power.
which is why I am happy that you are my Best Friend. And I trust you whole heartedly. Because you have done something that none of the above did fully... You EARNED. trust, respect and my friendship.
I don't need to thank you. Because I can only hope I will do the same for you one day.
Now. as i said. everyone mentioned, actually changed something for me dramatically in 2012. of which is important.
And admittedly its a lil difficult to go from THAT! to saying these are my top 5 of 2012. But i have to because come january 1st. no post limit. I am free. So I will probably forget the blog.
I definitely have top 5 songs, games and moments. Now these are things i discovered in 2012. So there!
In moments! Moments i had with other/myself
5) I created a Vlog. This is a enormousness moment for me, because i discovered I liked video and everything. I now vlog s un-regulary that I am procrastinating on the procrastination Vlog. But I finally listened to someone who knows what they are doing. Thanks TimH
4) Is gay pride. I went away to norwich to be around Gay guys, and was able to flirt with a few. This was a great moment because it is ridiculous. Not everyday we get to hug a chicken!!
3)january first. because. 2012. it was bloody brilliant
2)Rachael. getting with her wasn't cliche. IT WAS WEIRD! As in true style. I actually said "are we together now?" rather than, "will you go out with me" or something to those effect. and as if it meant to happen. she said. "I dunno. Are we?!"
I am in love...
1)was in fact my holiday to Northamptonshire. My first holiday in a while. but it was the beginning of something magnificent So. Thank you. That was amazing.
So, that was a lil bit more fitting, but I have played some amazing games this year. WHICH YOU MUST BUY! because they are amazing. But they are not games that happened this year, i just played them this year.
5) so the bottom of my list is the Assassins creed series. This series is so well written and really playable, I love being part of history and making a difference, "you are but a blade in the crowd, nothing is true, everything is permitted". These words echo throughout all games and I believe they are well worth the extra couple of £ if you can play them!
4)Faster than Light. It is an indie game that allows to micromanage a spaceship. Although the plot is flimsy and the difficulty is hard, even on easy. The game is so much fun and because it is an indie game. it ranks Ass Creed by about ..this.. much.
3)vampire the masquerade. An RPG vampire based game that I actually mentioned earlier this year. You role play as a kick ass vampire and you will find yourself in the middle of something bigger than yourself pretty quick. if you forget the buggy play, then you get days of enjoyment. quite literally! I rack up the equivalent of 4 days on it!
2,1)now in actuality, second and first are joint places. Because I litterally cant decide between the two. They were so good.
first off... Bastion. I love this game. the gameplay is amazing. The fact it is made by small people, means they had players in mind (irrelevant). Once the story kicks off... you wont want to leave. The narrator may as well be sex for my ears. Because it is so well done.
and the Second is Saints Row 2. I bought this in sales because Zero Punctuation recommended it. Now I am telling you to get it! Saints Row 2 is a Shameless Grant Theft auto clone. But it is far more fun. This one gets a mix between really fun and wacky game play. Like running over a granny and her shooting off team rocket style and the very serious, you were just blown up on a ship and you need your city back. This game was so much fun, i got more hours out of it than Vampire the masquerade. When I find more time, I will play it more! It is that much fun!! You must buy it!
And finally Top 5 song. is more like top 5 bands/composers. Because they deserve more credit than songs.
5)Murray Gold, for the doctor who soundtrack. I know ever I know has heard it, and it is amazing. no two ways. so much to it, and yet it is all based around the same notes. I love and use when I need to roused for a speech. Like this one.
4)Plain White T's, for proving to us that love is always around and even in the dark moments, They can help you cant a great grade for As Music Tech.
3)Darren Korb. The bastion soundtrack is so great, I literally want to have sex with it!
2)Dragonette. For the funkiest indie punk rock synth like band since Bowie! Seriously. if you don't check them out, you miss out!
1)Is Lil Deuce Deuce or Todd Bryanton. His music for the Youtubers is cool I wish i was as good as that guy at creating amazing song. But then again. best leave him to it. because he churns so much stuff and it is always great. (memories)
So that's been My 2012. I been Sam Brilliant. See you next year. hopefully with more quality posts and vlogs, rather than my toast popped style posts.
See You Ramblers!
No comments:
Post a Comment