You know, sometimes I can understand why people may be upset, or why they go off crying. Fine. People may have common "fall back" things where they just want to cry but can't so they look for something to be wrong where there is not going to be anything. Also. Fine. I am happy to deal with all that. What i find annoying is people desperately in need of help pushing away potentially that kick up the arse they are desperately looking for. Again that is just something I will put up with in life and will most likely deal with for the rest of it.
I am happy for people to be sad. It is the key thing to life. Feeling emotions and knowing that your feeling them in the right way. To know that you are sad. To know you are in danger. Sensory feelings that tells us when to stop. I envy that really. I can only safely say if I didn't think some thing through "logicly" I would have done multiple things wrong by now. but this leads me to my actual rant that sort of pains my heart as I write. And will inevitably be looked back upon and multiple people will think. "Why are you being such a panzy, You great big girl, grow a pair and move on" Or words to that effect
if you haven't guessed it already, I fear it needs spelling out for my audience, despite it being those who actually know me.. I feel no emotions usually. Complete flat line........ Or at least, that is what I thought on September first 2011. (a bit of back story to me [yay backstory it's like filler episodes in your favourite TV series{except this time it could affect you}]) [note I am a real bracket whore, if i can use multiple brackets I WILL use them] all these bracket are in fact digressing from my actual point...ANYWAY. September first. as well all know school term begins in September. And obviously I was depressed before the holidays with multiple issues with socializing, (for those of you wondering, yes I was actually diagnosed by Doctors with it, they suggested counciling, got it... Failed. Miserably) Come back in the new term with whole new attitude, thinking that everyone who has stayed on will have grown up. My hope died very quickly, thats not to say some of them didnt, just many havnt showed any signs of maturity since getting back and many have even gone back many stages.
Come a week or two later, while I am sitting in the giant common room being squished just trying to find someone to talk to. And on this .....eventful..... day I happened to notice someone in particular, I will admit they were very attractive, and to this day I still see the same beauty to them. But that what normal people say and do. I on other hand ignored that and noticed.... something else. I can never quite figure it out, but i found them.... interesting. "But Ini?!? Interesting how" "well I'll tell you now.....if i knew that answer"
But i will attempt to explain the interesting anyway. You know the whole Love at first sight could not take eyes off each other story? Well its like that
Just minus the Love
and first sight
The interesting is what i call "potential". One glance and I knew this person would Hold multiple secrets, lead a crazy life and ultimately is someone I would want to show my perception of the universe. But like the usual human coward rather than go over and say hi, i sat down and pretended to be normal. Then luck would have it. Someone was doing a DJ set and i was able to talk to them. Yay first contact with new people! And if those of you are wondering who this is. For all intents and purposes you dont know them, so we will call them Mabel. So yeah I talked to mabel and we soon became friends.
because of that I was also able to meet probably one of the most amazingly "free of life" people ever. 2 of them infact. Now I love these People to bits. All three of them. I met one of these people because Mabel spotted their belt. and we laughed about Ohh lets call them Syri. Because i saw the Iphone advert. and straight after she pointed this out, i decided to beckon him over. Again, One of the best things ever, ever since I have had a fill of just utter sillyness next to me. Painful at times, but it is really cool.
And the last person, i met on a walk with Mabel. And it was this day that I met someone that I was able to reconnect with a couple of lost emotions. fear. happyness and A lovingness that i had once knew. And soon after that we became close.
Well i am "close" with all three of them... I hope. And now with that back story out of the way. Maybe someone of you will recognize all of that. I am writing this down, so not only they remember, But i will remember, because they have given the best time of my life. It was so new and exciting. And I met so many more wonderful people along the way. and now i am hearing a voice. For once its not a voice of an anime character telling me how to live life. Its my voice! once again I have been able to reconnect with an old friend. Admittedly he hurts a little bit, but its all good. :)
And for making me Human again, I thank these 3, and the many more who followed, but I think i can safely say I would go back to that "dark" time if I lost even just one of those three. And I hope at least one of you reads this because, i am now freely admitting. That earlier today i was able to annoy myself, by creating a problem for myself that probably doesnt even exist. As of recent events that I REALLY dont care about, i was able to experience being alone again. And I hated it. And while i was at it I realized how Pathetic I am, because while they are not bound to me, all 3 of them had their own things to do, and their own people to be with. and of course as mentioned earlier, I am a coward. And am honestly not deserving to be around some people. Maybe I have become too attached, maybe i am just silly, but i really wish i didn't freak every time we break routine.
Apparently I have grown tired in my YOUNG age and all I really want is to sit down, be with those who make me laugh and in turn make them laugh. and just sit there for hours. And that is all we have done this year i guess. well i guess i can summarize this as, I am still haven't grown up myself, and this annoys me to no end. And I have become. Attached. so in advance, i am sorry for whatever thing I will do to annoy you.
And anyone else who wants to be included in a post like this, Trust me, thats a whole new thing!
Just one last thank you to these special 3. Thanks for.... helping me say the right sort of thing and being able to say that L word again, and mean it. Properly :) and as much as i hate cliches, heres one, i really cant live with out you guys now, You have made too much of an impression on me ;)
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