well that's a turnabout!

There has been a rather obvious lack of love in my head recently. still no reason why. But I just want to take a moment in time to kind of write things that are 111% wonderful in my life, and have removed, or keep removing the real world from me for more than it's worth and basically wrap these things in some form of bubble wrap.

I was looking over a couple of things from the past couple of years and looking at the things that have made me really happy over time. And quite honestly. There has been so much, so much stuff that made me happy, made me cry, made me feel like a person.

There was even something that reminded me of the first time I realised I needed to stop being so "in my head" and start doing things that followed a way of life that suited me rather than just trying to somebody. I thought along the lines of "we all know nobody wants to feel like nothing, and the moment we are close to becoming nothing, we try to find something to hold on to. Make us something. I guess, there isn't really life if we don't hold on to something. Remove everything from my life, will my life just end? I'd rather think as long as I try to have something that's worth holding on to, then life will always exist." I stopped being me at this point, and I became more who I was today. It feels so distant that revelation now. Though it was only a few months ago. I have really become something haven't I?

I have so much now, things I patiently would wait to come to my doorstep. But I don't think it ever "came" to my doorstep. I found it, just outside the door and around the corner. (I like that metaphor) Mabel, hippie and Curious. Events are linear, and some are fixed and are meant to happen. And some events. Well lets say they could be changed slightly. But 'meeting' there three. I remember it so clearly, the emotions the things people were doing, what we were wearing. Words spoken. I know that in it's self isn't an odd thing, but every time, I came away, just having the same feeling. And these three have given me that very same feeling every time I have had leave to them everyday at school. Every lesson, study and any other time. I was laughing. I was smiling. I was somebody. My dream really did come true. I felt like a human again. All this just meant one thing. I was happy. though we were all shaky from the start, we say some things to each other, and we have done things we havn't meant. BORING! I don't care if we wrong each other. The three. These deserve so much love of an unprecedented level. I know we all think that we don't deserve X amount of attention. I recently broke my moral code. It made me sick, it made me cold, and it made me sad. So first. I need to fix that. Secondly I need to try harder and write down so much more of what's in my head. And finally I need to get over myself and be closer to some of us. I know things happen and it hard to get over, but I will swallow my tounge and I will get in that hug. 

So. Those three are my life basically. No matter how hard I will try otherwise, my life centres around what they do. So emotions will try to better me. And they have already. I've opened up to you gits... You know things about me I thought I would keep secret for the rest of my life. Thanks for that ;)

I am no good with words, phrasing, sentence or making my point clear. But that is one of the far more important things in my life, sorry other people, they come first now.

well nearly they do. As I said, I found so much to love an list in my life. and once again I am consolidating! In to one daily manageable payment apparently... I shan't be blogging everyday soon enough. Just something new everyday isn't it?

But back to my list. So as I try to make clear, almost everyday, there are no things greater than family, friends, and above all, no things are greater than MY friends. I still yet to define the word friend properly to everyone, but I will one day.

But if there are people in my life who make an impact, it has to be the "interesting" people. Now these people, oh so many of you. The interesting people, are pretty, smart, socially inept/adept and most importantly. YOU ARE ALL INSANE!!

I try not to lump everyone together, but if your not one of the above, and you are one of my close(r [than others]) friends. then you are most likly utterly off the rock and should probably seek medical help. HOWEVER. The list can go on for quite sometime. But you are all the people who have the ability to actually make a difference in my life without trying, because the things any of you spout out. Is utter non-sense! Sure sometimes you all say things that are contextual and make sense. But the normally, oh my dears! You lot make me life and are probably the people who give me life in the sense, no matter who you are, You re-instate my faith in humanity in one form or another. Just by being there. though many will go unmentioned, I worry about you all, and I severly hope to see you all in turn and just have a day out! Singularly of course. If you were all together at once, you would probably all be put in straight jackets

So yes, the top two things I value in my life, are indeed other people. I would love to mention specifics, but that may be pushing it.

I do try to refrain from mentioning my family, But yes I value them as equally as my friends, if not above at times. I would have a rather poor set of morales if I were to scorn the people who have lived with me for 17 years and say they were useless. Families are interesting and wonderful. Because no matter what, parents will always defend their child in one form or another, even if the child isn't there. And I know many have bad situations with parents. But in way or another, they are all looking after you. It just either may not be obvious, or intrusive. It really is the small details this time I guess. But yes, i do value my family. And this is probably the last time I will mention families, so yeah, take this note. They are the greatest and most human thing ever, no matter what, Families will defend each other and mother over the rest of the kin, just to secure their life in some form.

Now the last thing I am going to value before I sign off, is something not modest in anyway. shape. or. form. My musical talent...

I know I am basically still a baby when it comes to music, and there is so much to learn, practise and try. But I am amazed and proud at what i have achieved. POST grade 8 classical guitar pieces, moderately difficult to play now. Composition. I LOVE IT! To bits! and generally, take music away from me, my life would be just be focused on helping others. Which idealistically would be perfect. But i'z got billz to pay. And I want to spend my life enjoying what I do. So here i come world!

So with that, I just want to end on the note. we all have an ability to hurt each other, and we all can do so. so inadvertently. So I want to hear stories of how you just did something out of the blue for someone else, put up with someone else just complaining and being sad for multiple days. And not about me! This blog doesn't count. I just want to know how anyone would react to someone else in need.

So yeah post freely or tell indiscreetly, whatever. I just want to know your stories now. All of you insane people, inclusive of those three. actually. they are insane as well. Kind of mellows out my insanities. ;)

other than that. I wish you all lots of love! I wish you all good health, and your own happiness.