I think I need a week or two away from all. I am getting rather agitated and acting like an arse... Of course as ever I lack the mental ability to stop myself from resorting to my child like instincts in form or another. When do we get control of our selves? when we are 10? When we 20? Or do we simply not grow up out of our own set ideologies of ourselves?
Well I know my personnel answer...
If anything this blog has become not a lot more than a diary for some people in England and Russia to see. Я могу начать писать на русском языке только потому, что мнение количество из России настолько высок! Пожалуйста, извините за плохой русский, Россия. Потому что я использовал Google Перевести на это, и я некоторые - что сомневаться вспособности писать правильно.
I have so many questions now... and many remain so unanswered. Like. what is this deep feeling i feel below my heart everyday I am suddenly alone again. Why do my eyes water so much only after i yawn. Why does she say that? Why can't people just accept this? Or why Can't they take my sentence for face value? Is sub text a good thing?
So much to ask. and almost no one to ask it to? Well no. I know I have people who would I could ask it to. What i don't know is if they will answer it? So when i am done trying to look after others. is there anyone who will look after me?
SO MANY QUESTIONS!! its tiresome. All in such circles. I am bored of the same story happening in different ways. I want to do something different yet. when opportunity arises I must cower before the prospect that something may go subliminally wrong!
Though something tells me nothing will come out of me writing any of this. I loosing faith again. so easy to do that when you direction is warped. I could watch Russell Howard's good news and wait till the heart breaking/warm touching piece at the end. but do we not see the whole contradiction with this show?? Though Russell loves the things he shows during show and he probably wants to meet the people. what about the viewers? Do they agree that the people shown are amazing or do they just want to laugh at other misfortune? The whole thing is silly. Two wrongs don't make a right. and This could be an example of it. Gahh!
The show is good. Know that. But still. the viewers i take issue with not Russell.
Direction. We do not suffer one direction. We all take many paths follow many a different direction. and if you are lucky you will avoid that arse rape of a band. I dont want to go back. But i certainly don't like the idea of mass change. I did that once. It's tedious. Adventure seems like fun. Lets go on one. but first lets make sure we wont get hurt or stuck anywhere.
"listen
all this takes alot of getting used to
and you do get used to it.... after a while
there are three things i will always miss
1) Not having to watch my step the whole time
2) well... forget about 2
3) I miss the tunes..."
If you know where that is from. congratulations you a bigger nerd than I am. But even though that is in reference to a complete different thing. But I do miss not having to watch myself the whole time.
And I do miss the music in my head. Flowing. Free. Away from reality.
Reality sucks.
And 2... we will discover 2 one day...
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