MY GOD YOU ALL FUCKING STUPID!
now I got that out of the way. I can now get on with writing anything that comes out of my head. mostly to qualify the fact this is named the "inner ramblings" and also to prove that this indeed helpful, because this has never been a diary. Just an attempt by a friend to get me to show who I was on the inside. well quite clearly that has been achieved and the novelty has warn off. Ohh like you read this. I read you!
See the problem I have here is that people have problems!
let me give you a case study.
Year 10 girl has a test. HURMMYGURD! I NEED TO PASS THIS TEST OTHERWISE I'LL FAIL LIFE!
follow by a year 8 boy. YOU THINK YOU HAVE PROBLEMS!!! I NEED TO GET IN TO THE HIGHER SET NEXT YEAR OR I AM GOING TO FAIL.
all this stupid statement do continue in the same fashion for at least 5 minutes. Before I point that I don't panic or cry or complain about it, but I have 4 A levels to achieve. All of which are logarithmic-ally 10 times more work intensive, with a crappy home situation, extra work on the side and deadlines of about a week. And I fail them, I really do fail my A levels.
Not only did this silence them. I was genuinely told by the year 10 that they needed to reevaluate their situation.
Not much of a case study, but none the less the example makes my point.
The work load only gets worse. And Panicking does absolutely shit for you. Why would anyone need to panic then?
Well panic is in fact primitive. we need to panic to survive. But like all things. We evolved and our panic button kinda of sensitized to modern society in that the smallest test could mean life or death for us.
Which is useless. Being focus and constructive comes from the motivation that you are indeed doing something for a better cause.
which is what I lack quite a bit right now. I have motivation to keep playing music. But not to finish the course. I have the motivation to sustain friendships and do all that.
But I simply do not feel as motivated to school now. Opportunities are not in lacking. It's just I don't feel like school right now.
What I want to is have those friends |I met last year around a bit more often. I seem them like 2. 3 times a week for about half an hour?
That's fucking depressing! I really don't want to hang around with the year 11s and year 10s. They are nice. But the thing is. they aren't my friends.
And the thing is. I wouldn't mind going somewhere else. Just not "under the stairs"
I won't go under there because the people who hang around there really don't like me. I know this. I'd rather stay away and just keep them away. Because they were bad for me once before but I don't need that.
'lucky-go-free' lifestyle seems nice. but it comes with the price of avoidance, i will avoid anything that causes conflict. i don't like it. They can dislike me, and continue to do so, but I they can do it away from me. Because I don't need it.
And if that means losing somethings. fine okay. Go that way. I just don't want to cause any conflict, or flames.
It's simple, who needs it? I don't. Support others? yeah sure. Because Maybe in turn, they will protect more around them and so on.
See? it never changes does it? That simple rule that kept me together even as a kid. 'there are loads of horrible and mean people out there, but if i begin a chain of nice, tough but progressive behavior Maybe it will create a better life around me?'
It's not fun when there is no fun to be had.
People are stupid, naive idiots. And we will never move and learn. But to be a person that is recognised for what they did and who they were. To be remembered as someone as pose to anyone. To make a difference. Is the way to lead.
So does this make me needy? I am this open to heart break? Well it seems I could have played my hand to early. I decided on a new me too soon? and my result? Only becoming who I was before. well. Thats food for thought.
So how about that coffee? It is march already.
No comments:
Post a Comment