That about sums the noise in my head right now.
It is so clear these days. Something happened to me which has not happened to me in over 5 years...
I had a creative burst. That moment where it was nothing but ideas and creation. Songs to be made, stories to write, people to construct. Everything. For a brief moment I felt like I was creating something of worth. I saw everything around me and thought of so much more, and further. It was a burst of excitement and I had a new world right in the clutch of my head.
Of course not contented at thinking, i went to construct and I have something, which is nearly ready to be on youtube, music is being made for it, in it's own time this time around.
However, the way that kind of experience usually has on the creative is a late night and a new book.
But the way this manifested in me was kicking and punching, silent screaming. I was the equivalent of day dreaming at this point. And I didn't know.
And then it became a realisation, I realised, that all this is the noise in my head, consistent and changing, but I never quite hear it.
The noise always there, it used to comfort me when I was alone. The noise even dictates what is written hear.
But to make it apparent, I know my thoughts, and I hear the extras. Sound like schizophrenia, but who cares, not that it changes anything. When all is silent, I think it would be a lonesome existents.
I think it fair to say at the best of times I can get lonely. But when I write things like this, I remember, i got better. And Now I am better. And it certainly wasn't alone. Friends. helped and got me places. There is wisdom to be found in others. And there is extreme mediocrity to be found there also. It is a wonderful blessing. And I thank all of them. Thanks to people I am me. and thanks to people I have language.
Though I may be alone, the voices at least stay. They keep the real demons at bay. But the real people, they bring that moment of creation.
Night rambles. many kisses for ya. xxx
Of course not contented at thinking, i went to construct and I have something, which is nearly ready to be on youtube, music is being made for it, in it's own time this time around.
However, the way that kind of experience usually has on the creative is a late night and a new book.
But the way this manifested in me was kicking and punching, silent screaming. I was the equivalent of day dreaming at this point. And I didn't know.
And then it became a realisation, I realised, that all this is the noise in my head, consistent and changing, but I never quite hear it.
The noise always there, it used to comfort me when I was alone. The noise even dictates what is written hear.
But to make it apparent, I know my thoughts, and I hear the extras. Sound like schizophrenia, but who cares, not that it changes anything. When all is silent, I think it would be a lonesome existents.
I think it fair to say at the best of times I can get lonely. But when I write things like this, I remember, i got better. And Now I am better. And it certainly wasn't alone. Friends. helped and got me places. There is wisdom to be found in others. And there is extreme mediocrity to be found there also. It is a wonderful blessing. And I thank all of them. Thanks to people I am me. and thanks to people I have language.
Though I may be alone, the voices at least stay. They keep the real demons at bay. But the real people, they bring that moment of creation.
Night rambles. many kisses for ya. xxx
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