Well, there is actually something i am worried about. All I have heard this holiday is that people close to my heart. Because I don't know if I am close to theres. Are being diagnosed. Depressed. OCD. Or some other affiliation with these associations. It's not because these people are prepubescent teens that are just sad
And I am obviously worried for you lot. I really wish I could say more on the subject. However, individually, my experience is different to yours. So i am going to clarify. yes I was depressed. I would consider. That I am not. I can also testify that counselling is bullshit in these situations when it comes to dealing with you. However. They are there to help. And should you ever need them, that's what they are there for. So whilst in my case, in the end, I didn't benefit from it. If you don't use the school council, then you won't get someone who doesn't look at the problem.
And if i remember anything from my experience. was that feeling of not feeling. Of needing "something" to... well lets generalise and say "fill the void". I want to say, stop the over raged hoard of noise from finally getting to you and making you do things that make you punish yourself despite your very apparent knowledge that you know you are not to blame entirely.
If I knew what I am about to say, I probably would have found some moment easier. When you feel lonely. regardless of the time. Text someone. Anyone. Doesn't matter if there sleeping, they can pick it up in the morning. But, text, facebook. Whatever, someone that you just want to hang outside. Or just chat. When they come, the best thing they will do is not talk about it. Because, it is a struggle. Not a struggle we should out right ignore. but it is one that can be taken with someone else. And some more people. Not like minded. But there to make the day go by easier.
A thought that make me find this HUGE step difficult is the thought that most likely stops anyone. "I am the one always contacting, perhaps they don't actually like me"
You know the line. Here's the thing. They probably feel EXACTLY the same about contacting you. Because they are scared of something. We as a species have grown this ability to communicate to be crap at it! The hard steps is taking moments to be vulnerable to be rewarded.
I find that anytime this topic comes up in conversation. I find that i say "I watched naruto".
Which is completely true. That show is incredible to me, because it was the first time that a media had communicated to me. A whole new world had been created in front of me. and I watched it. and watched it. It is a show that has stuck in to me and gave me the basis of who I was 2 years ago and what i am today. Because I can just read what I have put down over the course of this blog and know I have changed in to something more acceptable. but damn i have respect for that 'kid' of 2 years ago. And he was naive. I wish I still was.
But thats my big advice to anyone who "can't" go out. find A hobby, find a medium that communicates to you. Find anything that physically removes you from everything. And just use that to build up to that Huge step of others.
I really wished I had an active friend during my time in that pit. And Let it be put here in writing. I know who is feeling bad. And I got plans for you. Just give sometime. And please, talk to me. Because you know what, If I don't offer an ear, very few people who might matter to you will eventually pick it up. But, importantly, i hope I am wrong. and I know I have every chance and right to be wrong there.
That's my actually thought. I exist so that you lot can do so. Simple enough.
No comments:
Post a Comment