I am an incomprehensible mess.

Charly, at any point is it possible you might make use of the NHS and become healthier than when you entered? I mean... AWWH COME ON! I'm still waiting on you to tell me when to skype you!

Anyway, beside my usual missing of people of various relationship and respect levels. I remained very much unchanged in what has been happening.
I've visited home twice since coming to uni. And both those times it was impossible for me to go out and see home dwelling friends. First time I was so ill I couldn't leave the chair with needing to be covered in a mountain of multiple tog duvet of which can only smell of home, because despite using the same powder and liquid, it never comes out just right...
Maybe i need to break the washing machines more in the laundrette.
Over the coming month of Uni, I will have to do many in class tests, hand in assignments and even do a presentation or 2. And the work load is still less than my last year of sixth form. And considering I had the time to do multiple events and still get decent grades just tells me that something is severely wrong here or no one actually understands what the hell is going on!

I need to see a doctor myself. Mostly out of I may have just worked out I have hyperthyroidism or something very similar to it. And if i do. That would be fantastic! Because then maybe I could stop being hungry and then stop eating sugar, participate in a manor that doesn't revolve around shaking and all that. And best of all, stop being hungry!

So. I kind of got to say it in some way. Maybe a ramble is my best approach. Long distance relationship. That's a tuffy... Being away from her. Well it make me love her more I guess. Because I can just talk about her and never get hit for talking about her like she is the best thing on the planet. Which is just true. Everyone, close second.
To think I have been able to function in this relationship without pissing her off to much for over a year. And I just want to explain this. Feeling? thought? I don't know. It's just. I am thankful? no. more confused? no... I mean, not like she gonna read this? well no, it can be easy found. Just, I know sometimes I say something and I know she wants to say something but I just said something and it put her off or. Ahh no. I need to make her happy. Right. Ultimate goal there.simple? But by talking like this, it goes out her depth? or is it just uncomfort? So I gotta go back to why we together? Defiantly not, I just gotta stop being grumpy. That's a good start.
Coming to university has made me grumpier. Because people around here suck. bad. No chance to have fun any more. I find it to easy to complain? I think I would prefer silence sometimes. But I have never known what to do in silence. Do i stare. at the sky? where? Silence is so confusing. Is it a lack of words to say, or is a gesture to look at her, but if I do that, she would look at my face and we all know that's really not the most appealing thing we can do. No matter how I got about it, I just simple can't compare to a stare-able face.

You know this is like the whole "how do I talk to people" thing again. People are so annoying, they just want to talk about themselves. Or complain about another thing, I have yet to find someone here who just wants to be excited by the cool things. Watch movies, edit songs, and so on. Anyway, it is just difficult to find the right words. I know I have a problem. And if I ramble long enough, maybe it will come out. But my current problem is coherency. Though the words I put on the page do make sense. They still have no real meaning.

I think I am like a science book. The sentence made sense. You understand the words in the sentence individually. But by stringing them together, it becomes an incomprehensible mess.
And that's what I am right now, and have been for a while. I think i need to find either an eraser, or the extra words that make the sense.