Hey,
So the doctor put me on sertaline. Which I must explain now. Has the longest pamphlet to any drug I have taken. A3 would be a generous understatement! And in this incredibly long pamphlet it mentions that in over 10% of patients, shaking or uncontrollable twitching may occur. Also known as akathisia. I think I may be in this group now. So that worked out for about a day...
Whilst I really want to get "better", why I am having to go through this to get there?
I mean why is it, that it seems like I must suffer even more before I am allowed to live like everyone else. Whatever that means.
The thing that worries me is "what" this treatment will turn me in to, will I still have the same 'Brilliant' mind or will I come out as something else.
The episodes where I am basically feeling so low that being dead would be a better option, though it never really is - it is just a feeling, just make me think that it is "depression" that make me who I am. And that is kind of scary in my head, if who I have been has been illness for many years, what's to say that I haven't been missing out or that I really have been wrong about everything. I don't want to consider the way I deal with all of this wrong.
It just won't do.
On a compeltly different note though.
My housemates and I went on to omeagle. Where we met some nice people from various worldly locations and was also confronted by many penises (both metaphorically and physically).
What worried me was at several points there were some very small children on it and at other points there were some VERY old men. But whilst it wasn't those, we met some quite funny people.
At one point I had a stroke of genius and a housemate to go grab some "props".
Seconds later, I was wearing the "V for Vendetta" mask. Because V is a thousand times better than anonymous in the sense that V as an entity really represented what was good about the world he was in whilst being just as mad as the Joker. As a character he works on so many levels which will penetrate you mind and make you love him even more.
Or at least that what I was using as a defence. true though. One of my favourite points was I just put on my jacket, had the tophat on and then we go to the next call. and the bloke see's me and put his laptop down. seconds later, returns with a V mask on. I stuck my thumbs up and did a little dance. It was amazing.
Also, someone was jsut meanding on through at the same time as I put the mask near the screen.
...I apologised...
Night night... people outside are being noisy while Im trying to sleep...
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