SLeeping wardrobes

So at 1:30, I will be visiting the councillor, this is a way of announcing that.
I don't know what I will talk about, the way I feel ill constantly, the dramatic mood swings, the way I describe the noise in my head. Or maybe the pain. The pain in my leg. It goes away when I am having fun. Or is it when i am puzzling.
But, having had counselling before, I somewhat feel that it will be on the irrelevant. Talking about my friends and family. And the bit that would be in important there would be that I simply don't know how to talk to people properly. Not because I don't what to say, but because I know more than what to say. It seems, that I am really up myself. But I am forcing myself to understand that I am not normal and neither do I think normally. It is not okay to think the things I do, but there we have it. I give it a month or two before they give up on me. A year before the try to pawn me off if all "goes well".
I hate talking. I can barely do it correctly to people who know me. I mean, if I communicate to those that I like, then how am I going to communicate to this damn stranger. And before you even think, "think about what you want to say". I do, everything I say is thought out, but as ever, it seems I expect way to much from people.
Or something to that effect.
Basically, I am trying to say in all this, I am still alive, not that any would actually act on this information. But I am not okay, haven't been for a while, but I am alive. And I don't think talking about it is going to fix it any time sooner than it has before.