May week 3 - feelings remain the same

Ohhh how I hate fragile states of mind.
One post can be so happy whilst the next near suicidal.
This is probably going to turn out like the latter.
Due to massive mood swings for no reason other than neurotic narcissistic thoughts conjoined with epiphany style madness.
I can not tell you how much I hate the mood swings. But it seems to be one constant, to never maintain a mood for an extended period like a normal human being. Even right now, I find it difficult to vomit up the next sentence without an explosion of 3 different thoughts at once. I really am trying my best here to stay focussed.
So, since last week. I have finished university entirely for the first year. I have watched more movies than I care for. And I have finished another season of house.
I feel like I achieved something...
Never mind the never ending tiredness. I got a referral to the hospital for my leg. Apparently screaming in pain whilst on co-codamol is enough to warrant examination... However, it seems even this can't be easy, I can't get referred with administration failing somewhere.
The new "friends" I am making here. Never mind the fact they are all of the same course and are all massive children from the ages of 19 to 45 (no jokes), and I cant help but return to my usual neuroses about whether they actually like me or not, whether or not I am holding them to account, if I am overreacting, maybe I just weird-ed them out a bit too much.... It the same thoughts I have with my own friends, and it would be really nice to just look down and have something there which can literally beat these thoughts away no effort.
But, it seems even little mementos taste like ash when I really do look for the way of getting me down.
I can say these moments are less, but they are probably more intense now.

If anything since starting anti-depressants, I can get to sleep easier. That is certainly one truth.

I need to talk about accountability.
I need to be held to account for actions, and I need to be told that I am accountable for this. Because, I do realise, festering thoughts never get anything done and just build up a lot of spite and hate. And I am sure no one wants that.
Equally, I will hold more people to account if they hold me to it. It is about time I cleared the air with some people, but others... let's say that in recent times I have come to realise who spoke meaningless words and who's true nature revealed.
In my current state, I can count 2/3 people who haven't lied and made false promises, but that is because they can't/don't do either.
All I can conclude is that I neither want to here nor home.
Again, I just feel like removing myself from the universe, it might allow me some space!